Gay Dilemmas

Finding love and coming out? To be in or out of the closet. 🌈

Watching Brokeback Mountain Kept Me in the Closet

This screenshot is from this Guardian Op-Ed. | Cowboy dreams … ‘My whole body burned with shame as I ran out of the room.’ Illustration: Martin O'Neill/The Guardian
THE GUARDIAN: The first time I saw the film, I convinced myself I didn’t like it. Now it’s one of my favourites

I was 14 years old the first time I saw two men kiss on screen. It was 2006, and my mum had rented Brokeback Mountain from our local Blockbuster. She said it was a “special” movie night for “just the two of us”.

For the next 134 minutes, I watched two sheep herders, Ennis Del Mar (Heath Ledger) and Jack Twist (Jake Gyllenhaal), fall in love in the beautiful Wyoming countryside, only for that love to be suffocated by rigid expectations of masculinity and self-contempt. The film culminates in Jack’s untimely death, and alludes to the possibility that he was the victim of a vicious homophobic hate crime.

When this desperately sad film finally finished, my mum turned to me and matter-of-factly asked: “Is there anything you want to say?” My whole body burned with shame as I shook my head and ran out of the room.

This was my mum’s well-intentioned but misguided attempt to coax me out of the closet. She was right: I am gay. When I eventually came out to my family, it was hardly a surprise. I was the boy who cried for three days when Geri left the Spice Girls and had a poster of Legolas in my room. What I tried so hard to suppress was really quite obvious. But it would be another six years before I said the words aloud to myself and others. » | Jeffrey Ingold | Saturday, June 27, 2026

Peter Leahy | A Chance, and It Worked: The Journey to Authentic Happiness

Jun 24, 2026 | In this episode of Out Late With David, David sits down with author Peter Leahy to discuss his remarkable journey of coming out at age 44 after 20 years of marriage, raising two children, and living a life that looked successful on the outside but felt deeply unfulfilled within.

Peter shares how years of self-loathing, fear, and hiding his true identity gave way to courage, community, and ultimately authentic happiness. From finding support through Gay Fathers of Atlanta, navigating family relationships, and building a new life, to meeting his husband and relocating to Palm Springs, Peter reflects on the risks and rewards of embracing his true self.

He also shares the powerful letter he wrote to his former closeted self—a moving reminder that sometimes the bravest decision is simply taking the first step toward the life you deserve.

This conversation is about far more than sexuality; it’s about hope, reinvention, self-acceptance, and the truth that it’s never too late to become the person you were meant to be.

Guest: Peter Leahy, author of Glowing Up Gay.

Former NRL* Player Kane Evans Comes Out as Gay | ABC NEWS

Jun 9, 2026 | Kane Evans has become just the second professional NRL player to publicly come out as gay, following Ian Roberts in the 90s. The 34-year-old former Roosters, Eels and Warriors prop revealed keeping his sexuality a secret for so long drove him to addiction and homelessness. Advocates have praised Evans' bravery in coming out and urged sports leaders to ensure gay and bisexual players feel safe to be themselves.

* National Rugby League

Coming Out Later In Life | Timm Baldwin | Queer Conscious Podcast Ep. 2

Dec 18, 2024 | The energy it takes to perform, to pretend, and to suppress our authentic selves can be absolutely soul-crushing.

My guest, Timm Baldwin, has lived that journey. After decades in the closet living a life shaped by faith, family, and the expectations of others, Timm made the courageous decision to come out—after having a wife and kids and growing up in a deeply rooted Protestant, Christian faith.

Wherever you are in your coming out journey this conversation is gonna be a beautiful reminder on just how far you’ve come and might even shed some light on places where you’re still working towards being your authentic self. Whether it’s in your work life, family, relationships or even in the queer community.


This is an excellent discussion. I came out years ago, also late in life. Being gay is not an issue for me anymore. I came to terms with being queer years ago — thankfully. I wouldn't want to live through all that inauthenticity again, though. Nor would I like to live through the angst and trauma of coming out. Further, I have never been married — coming out as a single man was hard enough, without the added difficulties of dealing with the reactions of a spouse and offspring. But I feel sure that this superb discussion will help many people who are struggling to come out, struggling to come to terms with who they really are, struggling to lead the authentic life that is their God-given right. This superb discussion is just what people going through the process need. Bravo! — © Mark Alexander

College Football Captain Captain Comes Out to Team

He tells his story.

Right-wing Australian MP Comes Out as GAY with IMMIGRANT Boyfriend during Parliament Session

May 25, 2026 | A newly-elected One Nation MP Jason Virgo broke down during an emotional first speech in South Australia’s parliament.

Mr Virgo revealed that he was openly gay but told publicly for the first the that he had a Muslim boyfriend from Indonesia and “loves migrants”.

One Nation MP won the MacKillop seat in the South Australian House of Assembly which represents the territory of South Australia at the state election earlier this year.

One Nation is a Right-wing party and even considered Far-right by some. The Australian Party run by Pauline Hanson has anti-immigration and anti-LGBTQ+ positions.

Mr Virgo's speech could show he is more moderate than the views of his political leader Ms Hanson.

The Dark Reality of Being Gay in an Indian Family

Apr 29, 2026 | Dhiren Doshi-Smith grew up in East Ham, London, navigating the heavy expectations of his British Indian heritage and the strict cultural boundaries of his Jain community. Living with a large extended family above a shop, Dhiren realised he was different from a young age but quickly learned to mask his authentic self.

Surrounded by an environment where queerness was deeply taboo and "gay" was weaponised as a slur alongside compounding local racism, the space to be himself simply did not exist.

Carrying immense shame and the daunting expectation of a traditional arranged marriage, Dhiren lived a painful double life. It was not until his mid-thirties, against the heartbreaking backdrop of his mother’s terminal illness, that a profound turning point arrived. Witnessing the fragility of life and seeing his secret boyfriend lovingly care for his dying mother, Dhiren realised he could no longer merely exist. He had to finally thrive.

Choosing to step out of the shadows, Dhiren shed the grief of his hidden years to fully embrace his truth. Today, he is happily married to that same partner and thrives openly as a therapeutic counsellor and EDI corporate trainer, dedicating his life to supporting queer mental health in often hostile environments.

From overcoming his intense fear of visibility to famously fronting Pride in London’s billboard campaigns, Dhiren has transformed his deepest cultural trauma into his greatest strength. By sharing his powerful story, he actively works to dismantle the heavy shame carried by queer people of colour, proving that stepping into your authenticity leads to a beautiful, liberated life.

Psychology of Gay Gen X Who Came Out Late

Apr 30, 2026 | Psychology of Gay Gen X Who Came Out Late

A lot of Gen X men knew who they were by the time they were fifteen. They just couldn't say it out loud. Not in the eighties. Not during AIDS. Not when two-thirds of the country thought being gay should be illegal. So they did what Gen X does best — they adapted, they performed, and they survived. This is about what it cost them, what finally changed, and why some of them are only now walking through a door that's been open for years.

Growing Up Gay | Dave Egan - Former "Ex-Gay"

Apr 24, 2026 | Dave Egan, a former “ex-gay,” reveals the painful struggle of coming out and confronting the religious conflict that shaped his early life as a gay man.

Armistead Maupin on Trans Rights and Growing Up Gay in a Homophobic Household

Mar 14, 2024 | Author Armistead Maupin is a pioneer - writing about AIDS and HIV for a mass audience and daring to include gay, lesbian, trans and queer lives when few others were.

His ‘Tales of the City’ series, which started as a newspaper column in 1974, became worldwide best-selling novels and a Netflix series. It chronicles the lives of queer people in San Francisco and pokes fun at morality and social norms, touching millions of readers and viewers over 50 years. The beloved saga is now back for its 10th and final instalment, Mona of the Manor.

Now in his late 70s and living in London, the American writer opens up to Krishnan Guru-Murthy about growing up in the South in a “sexist, homophobic” conservative family, how he came to embrace the LGBTQ community, what life was like at the peak of the AIDS epidemic in the 80s.

Produced by Silvia Maresca.

Ireland's Former Prime Minister on Boris Johnson, Brexit and Coming Out | BBC Newscast

Sep 19, 2025 | Adam speaks to Leo Varadkar, former Taoiseach on Boris Johnson, Brexit and coming out. He was the leader of Ireland during the pivotal Brexit negotiations.

Mr Varadkar became Ireland's youngest Taoiseach at the age of 38 in 2017. He had led the three-party coalition government in Dublin, along with Fianna Fáil and the Green Party.

Coming Out Later in Life

Oct 19, 2022| Johan Sköld came out in his fourties and in this video he gives us an overview of his life. He mentions what it was like being a closeted teen during the AIDS pandemic, about struggling with your sexuality throughout a marriage, about coming out to all of his friends at his Birthday party when he turned 50 and about what it's like coming out a bit later in life and entering the LGBTQIA+ community now.

Bill Schroeder - Living Authentically at 60

Aug 5, 2025 | In this episode of Out Late with David, Bill Schroeder shares his transformative journey of coming out as a gay man at the age of 60 after 37 years of marriage. He reflects on the feelings of fear and authenticity that led him to finally embrace his true self. Bill discusses the emotional challenges he faced, the reactions of his family, and the importance of self-discovery. He emphasizes that it's never too late to live authentically and offers advice for others who may be struggling with their identity.

Shaun Williams - Founder of Gay Fathers Worldwide and Bent Couch Counselling

Jan 4, 2024 | In this episode, David Cotton interviews licensed counselor Shaun Williams; he previously had successful career in construction when he came out as gay after 25 years of marriage. After coming out he changed his career to help others finding their true selves. Shaun shares his experiences growing up in the 80s, discovering his sexuality at a young age, and the weight of keeping his secret. He discusses the impact on his family and the challenges he faced in coming out. Shaun also talks about the creation of Gay Fathers Worldwide, a support group he formed for men who have come out later in life. He emphasizes the importance of finding a safe space and community for support and understanding.

Brian Janes - Came Out after 26 Years of Marriage, Now Finding His Place in His New Community

Aug 28, 2024 | Brian Janes, a successful real estate broker, came out as gay at age 49 after 26 years of marriage. He loved being married and had a strong connection with his wife, but deep down, he had a sexual desire that didn't match up with her. After years of therapy and self-help, his wife eventually told him she wanted a divorce. Brian knew he was gay from a young age but didn't know how to embrace it. He suppressed his true self and lived in fear of being found out. After his divorce, he made the decision to come out and started a podcast for men coming out later in life.

David Nygaard - Divorce, Heart Attack, Bankruptcy…A Journey of Resilience

Oct 10, 2024 | In this conversation, David Cotton speaks with David Nygaard about his journey of coming out as gay later in life. They discuss the challenges of recognizing one's identity in a society that often stigmatizes homosexuality, the complexities of navigating relationships and marriage, and the impact of a significant health crisis on Nygaard's life. Nygaard shares his experiences of embracing authenticity, his political aspirations, and the importance of open communication in relationships. The conversation concludes with advice for those in mixed orientation marriages, emphasizing the need for self-acceptance and seeking professional guidance. David also offers advice for others who may be struggling with their identity and relationships.

10+ spektakuläre Coming-outs

PROMINENTE SCHWULE UND LESBEN
SIEGESSÄULE: Wir stellen euch über zehn queere Personen vor, deren Coming-out die deutsche Öffentlichkeit bewegte

Ralf Schumacher
Am 14. Juli 2024 veröffentlichte der ehemalige Formel-1-Fahrer Ralf Schumacher ein Foto von sich und einem anderen Mann auf Instagram, wie sie Arm in Arm den Sonnenuntergang betrachten. In der Bildunterschrift schrieb Schumacher: „Das schönste im Leben ist, wenn man den richten Partner an seiner Seite hat mit dem man alles teilen kann.“ Damit war klar: Ralf Schumacher ist schwul oder bisexuell. Schnell darauf wurde bekannt, dass Schumachers Partner Étienne Bousquet-Cassagne heißt und das Paar in Nizza, Südfrankreich, lebt. Das Interesse an Schumachers Coming-out war gigantisch: Mehr als fünfhunderttausend Likes auf Social Media, Solidaritätsbekundungen, überwiegend positive Kommentare, Interviews und Berichterstattungen auf internationaler Ebene. Während in anderen Branchen inzwischen viele Menschen „out and proud“ sind, gilt ein Coming-out im Profisport, insbesondere in der Formel 1, noch immer als Tabubruch. Das war jedoch nicht, was Schumacher zu dem Schritt bewog. Er wollte kein politisches Statement setzen oder ein queeres Vorbild sein, erklärte er in einem TV-Interview mit Sky: „Es geht hier rein egoistisch um Étienne und mich.“ Also in erster Linie darum, authentisch und in Ruhe mit seinem Partner zu leben. Dennoch: Das Private ist politisch. Ob das beabsichtigt war oder nicht, Schumacher hat durch sein Coming-out ein Statement gesetzt und queere Sichtbarkeit in den heteronormativen Motorsport gebracht. » | Karin Schupp/as/pb | Samstag 12. Februar 2022

John Duerler - Navigating Complexities of Coming Out While Creating Community for Gay Fathers

Nov 11, 2024 | In this interview David Cotton speaks with John Duerler who shares his journey of self-discovery as a gay man, navigating the complexities of coming out to his family and the challenges of maintaining relationships. He discusses the importance of being true to oneself, the supportive reactions from his family, and the creation of a community for gay fathers. John emphasizes the significance of open communication and offers advice for others in similar situations, highlighting that they are not alone in their struggles.

Ron Bunnell - 39 Years into His Marriage Before He Came Out to His Wife; Now Living a Full Life

July 21, 2024 | Ron Bunnell shares his journey of coming out as gay later in life and the impact it had on his marriage. Despite initial fears, Ron's wife showed love and support, and they were able to rebuild their relationship. Ron emphasizes the importance of being authentic and true to oneself, even if it means facing challenges. He also highlights the significance of finding support from others in similar situations. Ron's story serves as an inspiration for those navigating mixed orientation marriages and coming out later in life.