Imraan Vagar: Coming-Out | Part 7 | The Sum Of All Parts

Oct 6, 2023 | Welcome to the 7th and final instalment in this video series. In this finale episode I hope to offer gay and bisexual men with helpful and constructive advice on how to prepare for and approach coming-out to the people in their lives. Please be advised that I’m not a trained therapist or counsellor. The following thoughts and views are informed by my own life experiences and observations of the human condition.

The afore-mentioned warnings apply to this, Imraan’s last video, too. Enjoy it! The video is the last in the series on coming out. – © Mark Alexander

To watch all the other videos in the series, please click here.

Imraan Vagar: Coming-Out | Part 6 | This Might Sting a Little!

Sep 22, 2023 | Many young and even adult children, particularly those of domineering or authoritative parents, have a tendency to pedestal and mythologise their mothers and fathers. Often forgetting that, behind all that posturing, these towering figureheads are merely human beings too - and are therefore prone to the same social and cultural insecurities, competitiveness and fears of inadequacy as everyone else.

It is my firm belief that the stigma and perceived societal shame and exposure to ridicule around having a kid that’s LGBTQ+ is what panics and propels so many insecure and hyper-conforming parents, like my dad in Part 5 of this series, to try and suppress, muzzle, or deny their children’s right to be their true, authentic selves. Because it’s bad for family “PR”. So parents and family members who reject, exile or ostracise their kin purely for being LGBTQ+ may claim that it’s really only about religion or upholding “traditional values”, but if the ones who signal embarrassment or fret about what others will think or say were capable of self-awareness and of being truly, intellectually honest with themselves, they’d have to confess that it’s really all about their own social anxieties and reputational damage control. As in, “What will people say?”

That cloaking themselves in false virtue or invoking cherry-picked, equivocal scriptures and strict ‘moral codes’ are just convenient rationalisations to justify and excuse their abject failure and refusal as parents to stand up for their kids when they need their love and support the most. The need these parents have for in-group tribal belonging and their almost childlike longing for a rubber-stamp of approval from society at large can trigger a blinding hysteria of self-interest that overrides their parental obligations to their own children. And although that self-protective impulse is very human and understandable, it’s also pretty pathetic to me.

That you should subordinate yourself or be so servile and gutless as to bow, scrape and grovel to your community or yield to society’s judgement by trying to break your beautiful child’s spirit or throw him or her under the bus in an effort to save your face - makes you a moral coward and a doormat in my opinion.

In this penultimate episode in this video series, I call out the fecklessness and pusillanimity of such parents. Come after me in the comments section. I dare you!


As interesting and as thought-provoking as Imraan Vagar’s video series is, many of them are full of expletives and F-bombs, which many people might find offensive. Furthermore, Imraan doesn’t hold back on desciptions either. I therefore post this video and others in the series with a caution: They are not suitable for the super-sensitive, religious, narrow-minded or the easily-shocked. Additionally, they are not suitable for children. If you have still fallen through the sieve, I hope you enjoy this video and all the others, too. One has to hand it to Imraan Vagar, his no-holds-barred video series is extremely interesting. Enjoy! – © Mark Alexander

Parts 1 – 5 can be found here.

Imraan Vagar: Coming-Out | Part 5 | Oh, Father!

Aug 18, 2023 | This brings me to my coming-out to my old man. He gets his own video because I think a lot of gay (and straight) men, in particular, really struggle to get out from under their father’s disapproval and shadow - and perhaps my story will strike a chord with you. Now, I genuinely believe that my father did his level best to be a good parent to me, but he was definitely a product of a very conservative, conforming and hyper-patriarchal time and generation. So, perhaps unsurprisingly, he recoiled in horror when he discovered that I was gay. Yet, his extreme and hyperbolic reaction to my coming out revealed his own social and cultural insecurities and anxieties that I think many parents and families of LGBTQ+ children share. This chapter of my coming-out journey chronicles our relationship and the events that went down as a result of an incendiary showdown between my dad and I [sic]. The expression, “It’s hard raising parents” frequently came to mind when composing this video essay.

BEWARE! STRONG LANGUAGE ALERT!

Parts 1, 2, 3 & 4 here.

Imraan Vagar: Coming-Out | Part 4 | A Mother Knows

Aug 8, 2023 | Welcome to Part 4 in this video anthology. This instalment briefly chronicles my coming-out to my sister, brother and mother. My sister, Saira, proved to be a stalwart advocate and ally, but it was my mum who perhaps amazed me the most. As a Muslim immigrant who hails from a socially-conservative, deeply religious family and community, I fully expected her to be a cliché. But instead, she demonstrated such compassion and courage, which is testimony to the fact that people are full of surprises and shouldn’t be treated as foregone conclusions. My mum passed away last year and even though our relationship was deeply problematic in the end, I’ll always be grateful to her for that act of unconditional love.

Parts 1, 2 & 3 here.

Imraan Vagar: Coming-Out | Part 3 | Boarding School, BFF’s & Boy Love

Jul 22, 2023 | Welcome to Part 3 of my journey. Do you believe in happenstance or are some things fated to happen, as if by some grand cosmic design? This instalment is as much a story of ‘coincidences’ and coming-of-age as it is of coming-out - and is intended as a tribute to my BFF of 36 years, Glenda Thomas, who was the first living soul I came out to. Our lives crossed paths quite fatefully, courtesy of Woodmead, a progressive, non-racial, private boarding school in Johannesburg. And it’s against this backdrop that I grew into my own, culminating in a watershed moment that was precipitated by yet another “chance” meeting with a certain Merchant Ivory film adaptation of an E.M. Forster novel. A novel that was, coincidentally, published the same year I was born.

Links to Parts 1 & 2 are here.

Imraan Vagar: Coming-Out | Part 1 | An Introduction

Jun 30, 2023 | Hello and welcome to the debut video on this channel that I never thought I’d be uploading any content to. For those of you who know who I am, thank you for searching for and/or clicking on this video. For those of you who don’t, allow me to introduce myself…

My name is Imraan Vagar. I am a South African television producer, director and once upon a time host, perhaps best known for my work on Eastern Mosaic, one of the longest-running magazine shows on South African television. ...

…

Soundtrack Credits:

Eine Kleine Nachtmusik (by Mozart) - Mozart
Tropic Fuse - French Fuse
Rains of Meghalaya - Hanu Dixit
Clouds - Huma-Huma
Cancun - Topher Mohr and Alex Elena
Beyond - Patrick Patrikios
Habanera (by Bizet) - Bizet
The Plan's Working - Cooper Cannell
Sprightly Pursuit - Cooper Cannell
Bach Cello Suite No. 1, G Major, Prelude - Cooper Cannell


Be aware that there is more than a little strong language used in this extremely unusual and very interesting video. I have embedded this first video, but if you wish to watch Part 2, please watch it on YouTube here. I feel that it is too explicit for this blog; it could be offensie to many of my visitors and followers. The videos are extremely interesting, however. It is my intention to inform, not to offend anyone. If the other parts are suitable for embedding, once I have watched them, I will embed them. – © Mark Alexander

Dr. Marshall Bewley: Coming Out Later in Life | Reupload

May 12, 2020 | ‘Coming Out’ later in life can sometimes feel as if there are more barriers in the way of you being your true self. It is also important to remember that coming out later in life brings advantages, as you can trust your lived experience. Dr. Marshall Bewley, Licensed Psychologist discusses tips for LGBTQIA people who come out later in life.

Meet Dr. Michael Bewley, Psychologist on the Square »

Eminem Comes Out as Gay during Interview? | #shorts

Eminem: “I’m gay. I’m a homosexual. I like men.”

Jack Chambers, ministre irlandais, fait son coming out gay

JOCK : L’homme politique irlandais s’est livré avec franchise dans un post Instagram.

Bien avant Gabriel Attal, l’Irlande avait déjà marqué l’histoire en 2017 avec l’arrivée de Leo Varadkar, homme politique ouvertement gay, en tant que chef du gouvernement.

Aujourd’hui, c’est une autre figure politique qui a fait son coming out. Il s’agit de Jack Chambers, un ministre d’État membre du Fianna Fáil, le parti conservateur. Ce dernier s’est exprimé dimanche 14 janvier 2024 sur Instagram dans un post agrémenté d’une vidéo retraçant sa carrière politique.

“Il est important pour moi d’être honnête avec moi-même, tout d’abord, et envers vous tous dans l’exercice de ma fonction publique” débute-t-il. “Je commence 2024 en vous annonçant à tous que je suis fier de dire que je suis gay🏳️‍🌈. En tant qu’homme politique et citoyen, je voulais partager cette part de moi aujourd’hui“. » | jeudi 18 janvier 2024

Coming Out Story 30-year-old Man Married with Kids | Reupload

Jan 12, 2020 | Hello! My name is Nathan and this is the story of why it took me 31yrs, a 9 year marriage to a women, and 2 children, before coming out.

This is how I came to terms with my sexuality, figured out what was holding me back, and how I gained the strength and courage to finally set myself free.

I am creating a series of videos to address individual parts of my journey, in hopes other people like me can waste fewer years of their lives and start living free today!

Thanks for watching
Nathan V

Dr. Marshall Bewley: Coming Out Later in Life

May 12, 2020 | ‘Coming Out’ later in life can sometimes feel as if there are more barriers in the way of you being your true self. It is also important to remember that coming out later in life brings advantages, as you can trust your lived experience. Dr. Marshall Bewley, Licensed Psychologist discusses tips for LGBTQIA people who come out later in life.

www.drmarshallbewley.com
IG: @psychologistonthesquare

Texas: Growing Up Gay | Coming Out Experience

Wolf Beene, a gay man from Texas shares his incredible life experience as a gay man.

Michael Saul: "My Growing Up Gay Story" - Coming Out | LGBTQ

Apr 6, 2023 | Michael Saul, a professional film maker reflects on 'growing up gay' and 'coming out' experiences.

Pete Buttigieg on Coming Out as Gay: 'You Only Get to Be One Person' | Rachel Maddow | MSNBC

Apr 16, 2019 | Mayor Pete Buttigieg, Democratic candidate for president in 2020, talks with Rachel Maddow about the decision-making process that went into coming out as gay at the age of 33 as an elected official in Indiana.

Ich bin schwul und ich bin Christ | Timo bricht das Schweigen

Jun 30, 2019 | Timo hat lange ein Doppelleben geführt. Aus Angst, abgelehnt und ausgegrenzt zu werden. Nach außen hat er sich angepasst, engagierte sich als gläubiger Christ aktiv in der Gemeinde. Aber in seinem Inneren tobte ein Kampf: Zwischen Angst und Sehnsucht, zwischen christlicher Norm und seinen wahren Gefühlen. Erst mit 40 Jahren bricht Timo das Schweigen. Krasse Geschichten – Gottes Handschrift. Im Gespräch mit ungewöhnlichen Menschen. Schreib uns auf: info@openarms.ch

Ein verwandtes Video über Timo und seinen Kampf mit seiner sexuellen Orientierung befindet sich hier.

Jaguars Coach Kevin Maxen Comes Out as Gay in Historic Announcement

Kevin Maxen came out as gay in an interview with Outsports. | Jacksonville Jaguars
NEW YORK POST: Jacksonville Jaguars associate strength coach Kevin Maxen came out as gay on Thursday in what is believed to be a first for a male coach in major U.S. professional sports.

Maxen, who has been with the Jaguars since 2021, told Outsports he made the decision to come out in hopes of inspiring others while being true to who he really is.

“I don’t want to feel like I have to think about it anymore,” Maxen told Outsports.

“I don’t want to feel like I have to lie about who I am seeing, or why I am living with someone else.”

“I want to be vocal in support of people living how they want to live, but I also want to just live and not feel fear about how people will react.”

Maxen has been involved in football for several years, playing for Division III Western Connecticut State University in college before working as a strength coach at Baylor and Vanderbilt.

The strength coach said that he had wrestled with his sexuality in college but is hopeful Jaguars players will react positively to the news. » | Christian Arnold | Thursday, July 20, 2023

Out of the Closet, into the Mayor’s Office. Todd Gloria’s Coming Out Journey Gives Hope to Others

Jun 14, 2023 | Like many gay children, Todd Gloria tried to be “the best little boy in the world” to avoid any unwanted attention. Despite his good manners and excellent grades, he was bullied in high school for being gay and was even threatened with violence. Once he found stability as a young adult, he mustered up the courage to come out to his parents, who eventually became his strongest allies. Todd’s courage and devotion to public service eventually led him to become the first openly gay mayor of San Diego, acting as both a leader in the community and a beacon of hope for LGBTQIA+ youth everywhere.

Latter Gay Story: Joel Jacks | I Tried to Do Everything Right

April 20, 2023 | Joel was raised in an orthodox Mormon home, where rules were king—he never met a rule he didn't follow. His upbringing was one of “exact obedience”. PBS and KBYU were the only TV shows they were allowed to watch. He knew he was different but didn’t have words to describe what that difference was.

Family life for Joel was tenuous, to put it kindly. While serving a mission he was released early to come back to Utah for conversion therapy. His parents refused to pick him up at the airport.

Joel shares his story navigating his religion and his sexuality. He was a former member and employee of the Mormon church, held stake callings and served as an early morning seminary teacher. After doing all the “Mormon” things, like serving a mission, getting married in the temple, having kids, and serving the church, he still couldn’t reconcile an intrinsic part of who he is.

Latter Gay Stories: Jake Shepherd | I Was Unprepared to Come Out

Premiered Feb 24, 2023 | At age 10 Jake was mercilessly bullied, the kids called him “gay” a word he didn’t understand. Using the family’s dial-up internet connection Jake turned to Google to better understand the word. A life of pain ensued.

It would take Jake nearly seven years to finally say, "I am gay," out loud. And in the wake of that coming out arose a sexual assault, shame, and depression, all factors that convinced him to retreat back into the closet and further into Mormonism’s seemingly safe protection.

Jake’s story is one of healing, rising above the pain, setting religion aside, and finding strength and hope in the path ahead.

Coming Out as a Gay Man in the World of Rugby | Nigel Owens on Sexuality | London Real

Apr 22, 2017

For more on this, click here.