Imraan Vagar: Coming-Out | Part 7 | The Sum Of All Parts

Oct 6, 2023 | Welcome to the 7th and final instalment in this video series. In this finale episode I hope to offer gay and bisexual men with helpful and constructive advice on how to prepare for and approach coming-out to the people in their lives. Please be advised that I’m not a trained therapist or counsellor. The following thoughts and views are informed by my own life experiences and observations of the human condition.

The afore-mentioned warnings apply to this, Imraan’s last video, too. Enjoy it! The video is the last in the series on coming out. – © Mark Alexander

To watch all the other videos in the series, please click here.

Imraan Vagar: Coming-Out | Part 6 | This Might Sting a Little!

Sep 22, 2023 | Many young and even adult children, particularly those of domineering or authoritative parents, have a tendency to pedestal and mythologise their mothers and fathers. Often forgetting that, behind all that posturing, these towering figureheads are merely human beings too - and are therefore prone to the same social and cultural insecurities, competitiveness and fears of inadequacy as everyone else.

It is my firm belief that the stigma and perceived societal shame and exposure to ridicule around having a kid that’s LGBTQ+ is what panics and propels so many insecure and hyper-conforming parents, like my dad in Part 5 of this series, to try and suppress, muzzle, or deny their children’s right to be their true, authentic selves. Because it’s bad for family “PR”. So parents and family members who reject, exile or ostracise their kin purely for being LGBTQ+ may claim that it’s really only about religion or upholding “traditional values”, but if the ones who signal embarrassment or fret about what others will think or say were capable of self-awareness and of being truly, intellectually honest with themselves, they’d have to confess that it’s really all about their own social anxieties and reputational damage control. As in, “What will people say?”

That cloaking themselves in false virtue or invoking cherry-picked, equivocal scriptures and strict ‘moral codes’ are just convenient rationalisations to justify and excuse their abject failure and refusal as parents to stand up for their kids when they need their love and support the most. The need these parents have for in-group tribal belonging and their almost childlike longing for a rubber-stamp of approval from society at large can trigger a blinding hysteria of self-interest that overrides their parental obligations to their own children. And although that self-protective impulse is very human and understandable, it’s also pretty pathetic to me.

That you should subordinate yourself or be so servile and gutless as to bow, scrape and grovel to your community or yield to society’s judgement by trying to break your beautiful child’s spirit or throw him or her under the bus in an effort to save your face - makes you a moral coward and a doormat in my opinion.

In this penultimate episode in this video series, I call out the fecklessness and pusillanimity of such parents. Come after me in the comments section. I dare you!


As interesting and as thought-provoking as Imraan Vagar’s video series is, many of them are full of expletives and F-bombs, which many people might find offensive. Furthermore, Imraan doesn’t hold back on desciptions either. I therefore post this video and others in the series with a caution: They are not suitable for the super-sensitive, religious, narrow-minded or the easily-shocked. Additionally, they are not suitable for children. If you have still fallen through the sieve, I hope you enjoy this video and all the others, too. One has to hand it to Imraan Vagar, his no-holds-barred video series is extremely interesting. Enjoy! – © Mark Alexander

Parts 1 – 5 can be found here.

Imraan Vagar: Coming-Out | Part 5 | Oh, Father!

Aug 18, 2023 | This brings me to my coming-out to my old man. He gets his own video because I think a lot of gay (and straight) men, in particular, really struggle to get out from under their father’s disapproval and shadow - and perhaps my story will strike a chord with you. Now, I genuinely believe that my father did his level best to be a good parent to me, but he was definitely a product of a very conservative, conforming and hyper-patriarchal time and generation. So, perhaps unsurprisingly, he recoiled in horror when he discovered that I was gay. Yet, his extreme and hyperbolic reaction to my coming out revealed his own social and cultural insecurities and anxieties that I think many parents and families of LGBTQ+ children share. This chapter of my coming-out journey chronicles our relationship and the events that went down as a result of an incendiary showdown between my dad and I [sic]. The expression, “It’s hard raising parents” frequently came to mind when composing this video essay.

BEWARE! STRONG LANGUAGE ALERT!

Parts 1, 2, 3 & 4 here.

Imraan Vagar: Coming-Out | Part 4 | A Mother Knows

Aug 8, 2023 | Welcome to Part 4 in this video anthology. This instalment briefly chronicles my coming-out to my sister, brother and mother. My sister, Saira, proved to be a stalwart advocate and ally, but it was my mum who perhaps amazed me the most. As a Muslim immigrant who hails from a socially-conservative, deeply religious family and community, I fully expected her to be a cliché. But instead, she demonstrated such compassion and courage, which is testimony to the fact that people are full of surprises and shouldn’t be treated as foregone conclusions. My mum passed away last year and even though our relationship was deeply problematic in the end, I’ll always be grateful to her for that act of unconditional love.

Parts 1, 2 & 3 here.

Imraan Vagar: Coming-Out | Part 3 | Boarding School, BFF’s & Boy Love

Jul 22, 2023 | Welcome to Part 3 of my journey. Do you believe in happenstance or are some things fated to happen, as if by some grand cosmic design? This instalment is as much a story of ‘coincidences’ and coming-of-age as it is of coming-out - and is intended as a tribute to my BFF of 36 years, Glenda Thomas, who was the first living soul I came out to. Our lives crossed paths quite fatefully, courtesy of Woodmead, a progressive, non-racial, private boarding school in Johannesburg. And it’s against this backdrop that I grew into my own, culminating in a watershed moment that was precipitated by yet another “chance” meeting with a certain Merchant Ivory film adaptation of an E.M. Forster novel. A novel that was, coincidentally, published the same year I was born.

Links to Parts 1 & 2 are here.

Imraan Vagar: Coming-Out | Part 1 | An Introduction

Jun 30, 2023 | Hello and welcome to the debut video on this channel that I never thought I’d be uploading any content to. For those of you who know who I am, thank you for searching for and/or clicking on this video. For those of you who don’t, allow me to introduce myself…

My name is Imraan Vagar. I am a South African television producer, director and once upon a time host, perhaps best known for my work on Eastern Mosaic, one of the longest-running magazine shows on South African television. ...

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Soundtrack Credits:

Eine Kleine Nachtmusik (by Mozart) - Mozart
Tropic Fuse - French Fuse
Rains of Meghalaya - Hanu Dixit
Clouds - Huma-Huma
Cancun - Topher Mohr and Alex Elena
Beyond - Patrick Patrikios
Habanera (by Bizet) - Bizet
The Plan's Working - Cooper Cannell
Sprightly Pursuit - Cooper Cannell
Bach Cello Suite No. 1, G Major, Prelude - Cooper Cannell


Be aware that there is more than a little strong language used in this extremely unusual and very interesting video. I have embedded this first video, but if you wish to watch Part 2, please watch it on YouTube here. I feel that it is too explicit for this blog; it could be offensie to many of my visitors and followers. The videos are extremely interesting, however. It is my intention to inform, not to offend anyone. If the other parts are suitable for embedding, once I have watched them, I will embed them. – © Mark Alexander