It is my firm belief that the stigma and perceived societal shame and exposure to ridicule around having a kid that’s LGBTQ+ is what panics and propels so many insecure and hyper-conforming parents, like my dad in Part 5 of this series, to try and suppress, muzzle, or deny their children’s right to be their true, authentic selves. Because it’s bad for family “PR”. So parents and family members who reject, exile or ostracise their kin purely for being LGBTQ+ may claim that it’s really only about religion or upholding “traditional values”, but if the ones who signal embarrassment or fret about what others will think or say were capable of self-awareness and of being truly, intellectually honest with themselves, they’d have to confess that it’s really all about their own social anxieties and reputational damage control. As in, “What will people say?”
That cloaking themselves in false virtue or invoking cherry-picked, equivocal scriptures and strict ‘moral codes’ are just convenient rationalisations to justify and excuse their abject failure and refusal as parents to stand up for their kids when they need their love and support the most. The need these parents have for in-group tribal belonging and their almost childlike longing for a rubber-stamp of approval from society at large can trigger a blinding hysteria of self-interest that overrides their parental obligations to their own children. And although that self-protective impulse is very human and understandable, it’s also pretty pathetic to me.
That you should subordinate yourself or be so servile and gutless as to bow, scrape and grovel to your community or yield to society’s judgement by trying to break your beautiful child’s spirit or throw him or her under the bus in an effort to save your face - makes you a moral coward and a doormat in my opinion.
In this penultimate episode in this video series, I call out the fecklessness and pusillanimity of such parents. Come after me in the comments section. I dare you!
As interesting and as thought-provoking as Imraan Vagar’s video series is, many of them are full of expletives and F-bombs, which many people might find offensive. Furthermore, Imraan doesn’t hold back on desciptions either. I therefore post this video and others in the series with a caution: They are not suitable for the super-sensitive, religious, narrow-minded or the easily-shocked. Additionally, they are not suitable for children. If you have still fallen through the sieve, I hope you enjoy this video and all the others, too. One has to hand it to Imraan Vagar, his no-holds-barred video series is extremely interesting. Enjoy! – © Mark Alexander
Parts 1 – 5 can be found here.
