AL JAZEERA: LGBTQ+ Indians who battle family expectations and social pressures to live their authentic lives share their stories.
Like most parents, Sourav’s would like to see him “settled”. In India, however, this is a loaded concept. Being happy, healthy and financially secure are all important, but making a good marriage is the cornerstone of “settling down”. Indeed, 26-year-old Sourav, an IT professional in one of India’s metro cities, would make a wonderful husband to a man of his choice. But that is the problem.
In 2017, when he told his parents he was gay, their illusion of him as the perfect son shattered. He recalled how his mother cried so much, she required emergency hospitalisation for dehydration and low blood pressure. His father did not speak to him for three months.
Unlike Sourav, who confidently asserts himself as a gay man despite the pushback from his loved ones, back in the 1980s and 1990s, I had no terminology to describe what I was. Even growing up in a family that considered itself progressive, I was continually shamed for being non-gender conforming, and coerced to correct myself – forced into feminine clothes, told off for “wanting to be a boy”. It is no surprise, then, that I was convinced I was broken by the time I reached my teens.
Decades of self-hate, low self-esteem and confusion followed. I had zero understanding of sexualities and genders, apart from the fact that to deviate was abnormal and shameful. But just as I paid the price for keeping my inner demons locked inside and pretending to be “normal” – at least “normal enough” – Sourav, who asked that his surname not be used in this article, paid for being honest. » | Payal Dhar | Monday, June 21, 2021
