Julia Gillard has talked for the first time about the deep pain and grief she felt about losing power, and how she chose to spend the night of the federal election alone.
In an exclusive 5000-word article written for Guardian Australia, the former Labor prime minister of Australia says that “losing power is felt physically, emotionally, in waves of sensation” and that the pain “hits you like a fist, pain so strong you feel it in your guts, your nerve endings.”
Gillard also says that Labor lost the election because Kevin Rudd returned without “one truly original new idea” and because he was unable to explain her enduring policy achievements. She believes that the party could muster no reason for his comeback other than that its polling might improve.
The wide-ranging article is the first time Gillard has made any comment about her removal as prime minister of Australia in June.
In an unusually frank description of the emotional impact of losing power, Gillard writes: "I sat alone on election night as the results came in. I wanted it that way. I wanted to just let myself be swept up in it."
She continues: "Losing power is felt physically, emotionally, in waves of sensation, in moments of acute distress. I know now that there are the odd moments of relief as the stress ekes away and the hard weight that felt like it was sitting uncomfortably between your shoulder blades slips off. It actually takes you some time to work out what your neck and shoulders are supposed to feel like.
“I know too that you can feel you are fine but then suddenly someone’s words of comfort, or finding a memento at the back of the cupboard as you pack up, or even cracking jokes about old times, can bring forth a pain that hits you like a fist, pain so strong you feel it in your guts, your nerve endings.
“I know that late at night or at quiet moments in the day feelings of regret, memories that make you shine with pride, a sense of being unfulfilled can overwhelm you. Hours slip by." » | Lenore Taylor | Saturday, September 14, 2013
